Top ten reasons why I am not enjoying pregnancy.
- Maternity clothes. Oh your body is changing before your eyes and you're gaining weight at an unprecedented rate? I know what will make you feel better - how about you start dressing like a 60 year old woman? Say hello to saggy butt jeans, high neck lines, and shapeless cuts. Not quite your style? How about dressing like a four year old? Check out our wide selection of polka dots, bows, and baby doll tops! Not all maternity clothes are ugly. If you feel like dropping $200 on a pair of jeans or $100 dollars on a shirt that you'll get maybe six months use out of then no problem. Or you can make spandex your new best friend. I've taken yoga wear to a whole new level. White college girls have nothing on me!
- It's not actually fun. Unless of course running out of breath after walking five minutes, not having any use of your abs, having aversions to all of your favourite foods, crying for no reason, having to pee all.the.time., constipation, having strangers touch your belly, round ligament pain, throwing up, being tired all the time, constant forgetfulness, bloodwork and tests, never-ending doctor appointments, and going to bed at 9pm is your idea of fun.
- Leukorrhia. If you don't know what this is, google it, I dare you. In fact google image search it, I double dare you. Everyone woman deals with this. And men, assuming you don't have the mindset of a 16 year old and aren't living in a monastery, you must realize this is an every day part of life for a woman. But what no one warns you about is just how much of it there is during pregnancy. We're talking taking-out-stocks-in-panty-liner amounts of this shit. It doesn't seem to matter how often you change your underwear, how many panty liners you go through a day, it's always there. Even dogs know, they can't seem stay away from my business. Try adding to this 40 degree temperatures, you can just imagine the conditions down there. Nasty.
- Haemorrhoids. They say the best treatment for these suckers is prevention. Drink lots of water, eat lots of fibre, don't ever strain. Bullshit. I followed all the rules, I've still got yeast infection levels of itch and burning radiating from my asshole. And do you want to know what irritates them even more? Panty liners.
- The unsolicited advice. My all-time favourite being "sleep now while you still can, because you won't be getting much of that once the baby is here." Well thank you, you stupid fucktard, for that nugget of gold. First of all, sleep doesn't even work that way! So why are you giving me faulty advice? All you're doing is reminding me that I'm going to be tired for the rest of my life. Secondly, you're assuming that I am able to sleep well now. Between the constant peeing, the inability to find a comfortable position, the heartburn, the leg cramps, and the ridiculous dreams (you know, like the one where I gave birth to a T-Rex who then proceeded to feed by eating my entire left boob while everyone looked on saying "how sweet" as I was screaming in pain), I'm lucky to get a quality 4 hours of sleep in each night. But thanks, I'll start banking those sleep hours ASAP! Twat.
- The comments about my appearance. I get these daily, from people I know to random strangers, everyone has to comment on how I'm looking. I get "you're huge!" a lot. But for some reason the response "why thank you, you're a fat cunt yourself" is inappropriate. People with a little more tact tend to say "woah you've got a big baby in there!" It's true, I probably do. My husband is a giant after all. But do I want to hear this? Not particularly. And then there's the comedian's version of this, "are you sure you got your due date right? You look like you're about to pop!" Yes I'm sure, my midwife is sure, my doctor is sure, but I'll be sure to let them know that Dr. Douchebag with all his expertise and medical credentials thinks that we're all wrong. Oddly enough, within hours of these type of comments - sometimes even with minutes- I get "you look fabulous!", "you're so tiny", "oh how cute are you?!", "you're just baby". Not surprisingly I approve of these comments. Basically, if you don't have anything nice to say about how I look, keep your mouth shut. If you want to make comments about me behind my back that's fine, but to my face I either want compliments about how I'm a pregnant goddess or nothing at all.
- The baby's movements. This is actually one of the things I enjoy most about pregnancy. But not for the reason you might be thinking. No, the reason I enjoy feeling baby move is because prior to him moving this is what goes on in my brain: "I haven't felt the baby move in a while, I wonder if he's ok? Hmm, he really hasn't moved at all and I just finished eating, normally I would feel him a little bit by now. Why isn't he moving? What if something is wrong with him? What if his legs stopped working and he can't kick anymore? Oh my god, what if he's dead? What was I thinking having a baby? I can't even keep plants alive, what on earth made me think I could keep a baby alive? My baby is dead and the television is on. Oh my god, I was watching tv while my baby was dying inside of me! I am a horrible person. I really hope he's not dead. Oh even my dog looks sad. He knows. He knows that my baby is dead. Dogs can sense these things. Oh baby please move in there. Please don't be dead. Oh wait, was that a kick? It was just a little one though, I can't be too sure, maybe it's just my dead baby rolling around in there and he hit the side. Oh wait! There's another one! And another one! Oh thank god, he's alive." Repeat ad nauseum every single day, multiple times each day. This is stressful shit.
- Reaching a new level of intimacy with my partner. Again, this sounds like it would be a good thing right? Not so much. My husband has seen me piss myself, spontaneously throw up while drinking a glass of water, has put up with my lack of concern for personal hygiene (I'm just too tired to shower most days), is well aware of the bunch of grapes growing out of my asshole, and knows that my vagina is a leaky faucet of nasty. And he still finds me attractive. It presents a strange catch-22. I'm pretty vanilla, I don't think I can be with someone who is into all this weird shit. So maybe let's just raise this child together as friends ok? I love you.
- The lack of recognition of being an actual person. Every question, every conversation, it seems every aspect of my life is supposed to revolve around this baby. And yeah it's exciting, I'm having a baby, that's pretty cool. The epicness of biology is doing something amazing in my body. But I'm still a person. I'm still me. But I know that when people ask how I'm feeling, what they're really asking about is the baby. Because when I have debilitating pain which prevents me from moving people's first question is "is the baby ok?" And once I confirm that yes, the baby is fine, nobody even gives a shit about me. "Oh what a relief" they say, "you must have been so worried about the baby" they say. Worried about me actually, but I can see you've already stopped caring so I'll just be over here crying in pain. Because I can't actually move from over here.
- Being told how to feel. I should be thankful because some women can't get pregnant. That I should enjoy every moment of this magical time. That this is a blessing.
So if you ask how I'm feeling and I give you an honest answer please don't brush me off and tell me I should just be grateful that I'm pregnant and that the baby is healthy. I already feel like shit, I don't need you to make me feel guilty on top of it. And if you think I shouldn't be complaining because some people have it worse off than me, well, some people are much happier than me, does this also mean I also have no right to my happiness? My feelings are about me, if they offend you, as stated above, fuck you. Did I want to get pregnant? Yes I did. Am I excited about having this baby? Absolutely. Do I already love him? Yup. Am I doing everything I can to make sure he is healthy and has the best start to life? The lack of junk food in my house attests to this. None of this changes the fact that for me, pregnancy sucks. Some women love it, and more power to them. Those women are the reason the rest of us figure we can get through it.
Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/2bswc0/top_10_reasons_im_not_enjoying_pregnancy/
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